As I sat there questioning the series of events that unfolded in front of my eyes, I found myself engulfed in a vicious cycle of thoughts:  

Maybe if I did this, then that would have happened. 

Maybe if I didn’t do that, then this would have happened. 

Well, maybe if I did this or that, it was still going to happen. 

Was it meant to happen? Would it have happened regardless of what I did? 

Isn’t everything written anyway? 

How much control do I really have over my destiny? 

Can I change my destiny? 

I was lost; entangled in the centuries-old, fate versus free-will conundrum. 

Who could I go to for answers? 

Who would understand how my mind was being tormented, day in day out? 

Surely, I couldn’t be the only one reliving life events and playing out hypothetical situations?  

I couldn’t be the only one overthinking and imagining different scenarios? 

Someone must understand what I’m going through.   

No-one did.  

I had no-one to turn to.  

No-one could provide me with resolution for the thoughts that plagued my mind.  

Somewhat of a scholar and certainly a conversationalist, I found myself coming up short of the answers I so deeply desired.  

How long would this go on for? 

During those days of total defeat, I eventually surrendered. Somewhat of an agnostic, I didn’t know to whom or what I was surrendering to. I just knew that no person, whether academic or mental health professional, could bring me comfort.  

There would be no research or articles for me to find solace in.  I needed an intervention. 

It came in the form of the teachings from the Sikh scriptures - Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji teaches that you should surrender your own wisdom and take the wisdom of the Guru. It was tough for me to let go of the deeply embedded knowledge I acquired throughout my life, but doing so gave me so much clarity. 

Gurbani explains that many aspects of one’s life are predestined based on karam or what is referred to in western culture as “karma.” Sikhs believe in reincarnation. The supreme existence is that of the human form, but there are 8.4 million lifeforms that we travel through. The thoughts and actions that we take in those different lifeforms determine our fate in the lives to come or whether we break free of the cycle of birth and death. So many things are predestined, like what we go through, who we spend our time with and where we live.  

On the other hand, Sikhism also teaches that we have a certain extent of free-will.  

Gurbani gives a beautiful metaphor of how we can determine our destiny. Our mind is compared to a chalkboard. Our breaths are the chalk. We have the capability to write what we want on that chalkboard. Are we going to write anger, jealousy, pride or other vices? Or will we fill it with something else that brings us peace? 

As I began to apply these teachings in my life, my mind finally started to find relief. I had lived my life according to my wisdom and all it brought me was pain. No matter how many milestones I crossed or goals I achieved, nothing was ever enough. I always found myself wanting more. I would fill the emptiness with more things that would leave me unfulfilled. When I let go of my wisdom and instead took on the knowledge of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, life became so much easier and more fulfilling.  

The bottom line is what’s done, is done. What use is it living in the past? I was so lost in my thoughts that I was completely oblivious to what was unfolding in front of me. I wasn’t present. I began to understand that every breath that I get is a gift from the Creator. It’s up to me how I choose to spend it.  

Sounds easy, right? Not when your mind is going 500 miles a minute.