Embracing the Unknown

My life is not in my hands.   

How I viewed my life and how my life is today, could not be more different. I valued others' opinions of me so highly, that it crippled me. I would aimlessly walk in so much pain, so much so that I would constantly chase moments of euphoria and then feel this dull hole in my heart. Life can’t be this; it must get better. So, I did what I knew - and what I knew was to please others and aspire for things that I thought were going to make me happy.  

There was one point where I was standing in a room, trying to make sure everyone else was good and I felt as if I wasn’t even in the room.  It hit me that nobody really cared if I was there or not. Something in my life had to change; I couldn’t keep doing this and I didn’t want to keep feeling this way.  

This contradicted an image of what my life was supposed to look like. I would have my arty- farty job with a nice house and car; fancy clothes, with a big family, and on weekends we would go out for fancy dinners with friends. The perfect image of life, with such a focus on the things that I would have.  

That’s when fate changed my life, and no, it wasn't overnight. It would be a lie to say otherwise. It 100% took time and effort to change. Yes, it took effort (that has to be said twice) because although fate gave me the opportunity to change my life, I had to be the one to actually change. 

So how does this have anything to do with fate? Now that I'm writing this, it might not be but yolo. (in my head it does). I fought it for so long; I didn’t want to believe that the life fate had bestowed on me could make me happy, which is so weird because that's what I so desperately wanted. Then I started understanding that just as I must train to achieve a great body, I have to train my mind. I wanted the quick, easy fix, but you can’t get a six-pack with one visit to the gym.  

So, what is this new life I talk about? Funny enough, it's a universal concept. Stop focusing on ‘stuff’ and think more about the internal. I let go (again it took time) of what others thought of me and focused on quieting the voices that made me question myself. Slowly life began to change. My focus was no longer what I will have, but how I will feel. I will be happy. This is how fate changed my life.    

Image by The Townshend Gem Collection